“Compassion allows us to stand in the fire of our lives. It prevents us from being indifferent—which is the near opposite of equanimity, and offers us the courage and confidence to act in the world in a way that at minimum does not contribute to suffering, and at best works to end suffering in the world.”—Amana Brembry Johnson
As you have most likely gleaned by now, I’m a bit of a thrifting addict. There’s nothing like the thrill of finding something you didn’t even know you were looking for, or, better yet, finding a piece that is like fitting in the last piece of a puzzle you’ve been working on forever.
Clothes tell stories, and stories are powerful. Sometimes, these stories are more explicit than others.
I often wonder, how could someone get rid of this *insert brand-new, expensive item here. It could be any number of reasons: weight loss or gain, a breakup, the death of a loved one. We’ll never know the story, but sometimes we do.
If These Clothes Could Talk
There is a Goodwill close to the Trader Joe’s I go to, so of course I had to stop in before braving the TJ masses. I don’t know who designs those stores, and why there never seems to be a good time of day to get your groceries without a million other people doing the same, but a thrifting expedition is a great way to steel your nerves before running the gauntlet.
Browsing through the racks at Goodwill, I stumbled upon a white T-shirt that made me pause. The pilling, unassuming shirt article of clothing read, “Wife” in bold black lettering on the front, and in a tinier font beneath, “Est. 2023”. Well, this story was pretty obvious: Two years ago, someone had been so excited to call themselves a wife they wore a shirt announcing it. They commemorated the establishment of when that new title had been bestowed. Now, in 2025, the shirt was drooping from a hanger at Goodwill.
What had happened in those two years? Immediately, my mind started spinning a backstory. The marriage only lasted two years because the husband cheated. The wife threw her clothes, his clothes, anything that reminded her of him, into a black garbage bag and drove them to Goodwill with her music blasting, the windows down, perhaps listening to “Before He Cheats” by Carrie Underwood, the official cheating anthem of 2005, the year I graduated high school. She cried for days, but then she felt free.
. . .
Shortly after spotting the Wife shirt, I discovered a gray sweatshirt that told another story. The sweatshirt had “black lives matter” embroidered on the front of it in a flowery, lowercase script font. This story was easier and less fun to spin in my mind: 2020 passed and the passion for the sentiment waned. These words no longer held the same importance they once did in this person’s mind.
The sweatshirt itself told a story, even before it landed at a Goodwill. The statement watered down to a discreet, lowercase font, no big bold lettering, a rallying cry reduced to a whisper. Like, I support this movement, but make it tasteful. Like, I support it but don’t want to shout it. Like, maybe no one will notice what it says if I wear this outside of the house.
I looked inside the sweatshirt to find the tag, curious about who had produced it, and was surprised to read Phenomenal Woman, which is a company created by Meena Harris, the niece of Kamala Harris. I wondered if she had partnered with BLM, if some or all of the proceeds of sales had gone to the organization; I hoped so.
Without the context of the tag, I would have assumed that the sweatshirt was made by some girlboss brand capitalizing on a social movement to sell clothes. The sweatshirt is no longer available on the website; there is no mention of proceeds from their current designs going to organizations, either.
I tried on the sweatshirt, almost bought it, saddened by the idea of it remaining at the Goodwill, discounted. But the script was too small, too soft. And I have too many gray sweatshirts already.
. . .
What people get rid of is often indicative of their emotional state. I just removed two garbage bags’ worth of clothes from my closet; I am in an emotional state of cleansing, purging, a desire to feel different. I’m sure this feeling is tied to my physical state; I am nearly three weeks into a 30-day autoimmune protocol, my diet stripped of so many foods that its easier to say what I can eat this month than what I can’t. I am starting fresh, hoping to feel different.
Meanwhile, the world is in a precarious state. Perhaps I am trying to control the little pieces of the puzzle I can, when so much else is not only uncontrollable but terrifying. I find myself trying to feel better by buying clothes, buying new products for my hair, buying. This is our default state, courtesy of capitalism: attempting to soothe our despair or discomfort with things.
I vacillate between feeling guilty and ashamed for falling prey to this trap, and then telling myself that it is ok to try to feel better, that I’m doing the best I can and that tomorrow I can try something different.
I want something different. I want our world to be just and free. I want people to wake up. I want us to be safe. Nearly every night I silently say a variation of a Metta prayer:
May all beings be healthy and happy
May all beings be free from inner and outer danger
May all beings be filled with loving-kindess
May all beings love and respect themselves as they are
The Friday Finds
Action. Live in a blue state? We can still help constrain ICE; protect Black history and our public institutions; and protect our right to protest.
Listen. “Good Books” by Lola Young. I’m loving Lola Young these days! Her song “Messy” has put her at the top of the charts, but I’m more partial to “You Noticed” for when I’m feeling emo and “Conceited” for when I’m mad. 🙂
Watch. Scamanda on Hulu! Longtime readers of The Find will recall that I LOVED the podcast of the same name when it came on the scene in 2023, and so of course I was thrilled when I found out a docuseries was being released. For the uninitiated, Scamanda investigates the true story of a Bay Area woman who said she had cancer; but did she? If you’ve already listened to the podcast, you know how the story goes, but it’s still fun to see the series, to put the faces to the names and voices of this wild tale.
Read. So Gay For You: Friendship, Found Family, and the Show That Started It All, a memoir by Leisha Hailey and Kate Moennig, stars of The L Word. Though the audience for this book is primarily L Word fans (IYKYK), it’s also a sweet, hilarious, and often poignant exploration of friendship and becoming who you were always meant to be. I listened to the audiobook, which is read by the authors, and was utterly charmed by their storytelling. I was sad when it ended!
Good News: I’ve decided to include a new section where I highlight one or two great things that have happened recently to help keep our spirits lifted!
Dr. Carla Hayden, our former (and forever) Librarian of Congress, started a new position with the Mellon Foundation!
Elaine Brown, the first and only woman to lead the Black Panther Party, received $1 million from Black Lives Matter to support her revitalization project in West Oakland, California!
May we be safe and free,
Emma